


Break the silence

by Cats_Dont_Float



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sad Dave Strider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 09:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_Dont_Float/pseuds/Cats_Dont_Float
Summary: There's too much silence on the meteor. Too many big, empty rooms and not enough people to fill them with their chatter, laughter and general noise. Dave hates it. In that silence there's too much room for his own thoughts in his head.Dave can't deal with all his thoughts and memories. Karkat helps in the best way he can.





	Break the silence

There's too much silence on the meteor. Too many big, empty rooms and not enough people to fill them with their chatter, laughter and general noise. Dave hates it. In that silence there's too much room for his own thoughts in his head. When he's around the others and they're talking, their noise just about blocks out the thoughts, enough to suppress them for a while, at least. But when he finds himself alone and far away from anyone else on that lonely rock, he can't stop the thoughts and memories coming through. And there's just so many of them, each one more painful than the one before. They play out in his head like movies, full of his worst, lowest moments and constant inner voices that whisper all of his darkest feelings and fears to him. Once they start, there's just no stopping them, and he holes himself away in his room for hours until he's cried more tears than should be humanly possible and his throat's hoarse from screaming. The others never hear them. Noise doesn't travel in space, and it doesn't on this fucking rock either, apparently.

Karkat is the loudest person Dave has ever met. Louder even than Terezi, somehow.  
Karkat shouts almost constantly, even when he's not trying to. At best his voice is at a volume just slightly higher than everyone else, and that's only when he's trying. Dave's drawn to that noise like a moth to a flame, using Karkat's constant anger and noise to block out everything. He's easy to wind up, even easier to keep angry, and his angry shouts and tantrums feel like heaven to Dave, who can't hear a single one of his thoughts above the noise. The others on the meteor are not so grateful, and Rose has begged Dave more than once to try and stop annoying Karkat. He can't help it. He doesn't want to upset Karkat, but he craves the sound of the his voice ringing in his ears.

They argue about movies a lot. Karkat has shit taste in movies, all things considered. He almost exclusively watches rom-coms, getting overly invested in every plot and relationship featured in them, and crying over every single one. Dave's more than happy to take the piss out of Karkat for that, teasing him almost constantly. It never takes long for Karkat to snap, and when he does Dave just sits back and lets Karkat's angry, barely understandable insults fill his mind. Eventually, however, Karkat manages to convince Dave to watch just one movie with him. The sound of the movie isn't quite good enough at keeping the thoughts at bay, and Karkat's too interested in the movie to argue when Dave starts picking out plot holes. So, for the first time ever Dave has to actually pay attention to themovie entirely, and that's just about enough to keep him distracted. Then it ends, and Karkat leaves before Dave can even get a fight out of him, and he's alone in his cold, empty, silent room. Everything rushes back, and panic chokes him. There are new thoughts now, above all the old ones. He'll be angry if he ever finds out why you're fighting him, some inner voices whisper. He doesn't give a shit about you, hiss others. Dave puts his hands up over his ears, tears already streaming down his face, choking on his sobs, and screws his eyes tightly shut.  
"Please go away," he whispers quietly, desperately trying to get over his own thoughts. But there's nothing he can do, and he spends the rest of the night curled up on the floor, barely breathing and wishing his brain would just stop hating itself for a second.

Their movie nights happen occasionally, though not as regularly as Dave wants. Though he continuously asks, Karkat always says he's busy. There's nothing else he can be doing on this meteor, though, and Dave's sure Karkat just doesn't want to spend time with him. That makes sense. Who would ever want to spend time with him? That's another one added to the list of thoughts that keep him up and night, and he starts crying himself to sleep every single night.  
He promises to himself that he can never tell Karkat about these thoughts. The troll struggles to handle human emotions enough already, without Dave having to try and teach him about depression, or whatever the shit it is that's wrong with him. So he continues to watch movies with Karkat and also start arguments with him whenever he wants. Until Karkat stops fighting back. He just... stops getting angry. Dave's not sure why, but now every time he picks on Karkat, the troll just walks away now.

After a few days of being almost entirely ignored by Karkat, and spending more time alone than he can cope with, Dave has a complete breakdown. He spends what feels like an entire day laying on his bed, curled into a ball and screaming into a pillow. He's hoping the noise of his own screaming might block things out a little, or chase the thoughts away somehow. And then thing's get a thousand times worse.  
He doesn't hear anything over his own sobs and screams, until there's a sudden voice. "Dave?" The voice is slightly shaky, worried even. Dave freezes, mouth still open, scream lodged in his throat. He swallows, rubbing furiously at his face, and then sits up. The sudden movement makes blood rush to his head weirdly, and his vision blurs for a few seconds. Eventually he's able to make out the shape of Karkat through his blurred, teary vision.  
"Shit," he mutters, voice weak and cracked.  
"What. The. Actual. FUCK?" Karkat practically screams, and for once Dave actually flinches at the noise. Karkat's angry at him, and that's the thing he's been craving for ages, and yet now it's making him feel sick. He's prepared for Karkat to scream at him some more, or get even madder, and screws his eyes shut as the troll approaches him. He feels the bed move slightly under Karkat's weight as the troll seats himself on the edge of the bed. Then there's a hand on his shoulder. Dave flinches at the contact, every single muscles tensed. Then, as Karkat begins to rub his hand gently in circles on Dave's back, he relaxes very slightly. He feels a little sick, his throat and eyes both stinging horribly, and he just wants this all to be a bad dream. There's absolutely no way Karkat can have found him like this. He really doesn't want anyone seeing this side of him.  
"Dave," a voice is murmuring, breaking in through his thoughts. He slowly looks up, eyes watering slightly. "Why the fuck didn't you tell anyone you were upset?" Karkat asks, in a way that's both soft and aggressive at the same time, and so comfortingly typical Karkat that Dave starts to feel a little safer. This is his friend, he should be able to talk to him.  
"I just..." he mumbles, and then trails off. Nope, he can't talk just yet, he really can't.  
"We were wondering where you'd been all day," Karkat continues talking, as if he hasn't even noticed Dave's failed attempt at speaking, "What upset you?"  
"It's just thoughts," Dave manages to mutter, surprising himself as he blurts out more, "I didn't want to tell you guys. That's why I never speak about stuff like this."  
"What do you mean by never?" Karkat snaps, and then he's growling, which scares Dave, until he realises it's more of a protective, upset growl than an angry one. "Are you telling me this has happened before?"  
"Happens all the fucking time dude," he says, and he's finally starting to sound a little bit more like himself.  
"Why? What's wrong? You need to tell us things like this you should..." Karkat starts to ramble, and Dave doesn't hear half of it. He's starting to shake again, realising that Karkat's never going to look at him the same again after this, but also somehow feeling a strange sense of happiness that Karkat really wants to help him. Karkat seems to notice him freaking out again, because he suddenly stops talking, and then his arm's around Dave's waist, his other hand running gently through Dave's hair.  
"I'm sorry," Dave mutters, "Didn't want you to fucking see this."  
"Doesn't matter," Karkat replies, and his voice is quieter than Dave has ever heard it, "I'm here now and I'm not leaving. Okay?"  
"'Kay," Dave mumbles. He moves sideways slightly, leaning his head into Karkat's shoulder. Then there's more of that awfully familiar silence as they both sit there. This time, however, he can focus on the feeling of Karkat's hand in his hair rather than the thoughts in his brain, and it kind of, sort of, works.

They sit there for what feels like hours, but probably isn't any more than half an hour. But it doesn't take long for Dave to start to suddenly feel exhausted. He fights to keep his eyes open for a while, until he can't anymore. He lets his eyes close, even though he's scared of what the darkness holds. But apparently Karkat notices his eyes close, because then there are two arms tightly around his waist, and he's being pulled into Karkat's lap very gently. He moves so he's more comfortable, leaning back against Karkat's chest, and lets out a long sigh.  
"Dave," Karkat murmurs quietly.  
"What?" Dave asks, cracking open one eye.  
"You can go to sleep," he says, "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'll be here when you wake up."  
"Thanks Karkat," he murmurs tiredly, before letting out a small yawn. He slumps sideways very slightly, and feels one of Karkat's hand on his side holding him up into a comfortably position. Everything starts to fade away, and the last thing he hears before he falls asleep is the sound of Karkat muttering something that Dave can;t quite understand. For the first time in a while, he sleeps for a good few hours without having a single nightmare.

He doesn't get a long sleep, but it's better than anything he's had in a long time. When he wakes up, Karkat, true to his word, is still there. He's rolled back in the night so he's leaning backwards against Dave's pillow, and Dave is basically laying across on top of the troll, head on his chest.  
"Hey," Karkat murmurs as he sees Dave open his eyes wearily. He wonders if Karkat actually slept at all himself, or if he's just been awake, keeping an eye on Dave.  
"Hey," Dave says, and wow his voice is cracked and broken. Probably from all the crying and screaming. No wait. It's definitely from all the crying and screaming. Karkat instantly has his hands on Dave's shoulders, rubbing his thumbs in slow circles. Why he's so good at this? "Why are you so good at this?" He blurts out.  
"What?" Karkat mumbles, and Dave can hear the tiredness in his voice.  
"Why are you so good at... I don't know like comforting and stuff?"  
"Oh, uh, Gamzee," Karkat replies awkwardly, "Used to be pretty good at keeping him calm." Dave doesn't say anything, and just wriggles slightly so he's in a more comfortable position. "So," Karkat says after a while, "You wanna talk about anything? You were pretty... uh... well you were in a pretty bad place last night."  
"It's nothing," Dave says, "I just have a lot of thoughts and bad memories, and I can't keep them at bay sometimes. It's too quiet on this meteor and I can't stop myself from thinking." And then he feels like he needs to admit something to Karkat. "I... I used to wind you up just so you'd shout. It was a good distraction."  
"Oh," Karkat mumbles, and then, "Oohhhhh." He lets out a breathy laugh, and then says, "I really always thought you had a black crush on me. Even though humans don't do kismesis relationships."  
"No," Dave sighs, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. Did I like lead you on or something?"  
"No, no," Karkat says quickly, "I actually really didn't want you to have a hate crush on me. I uh...shit no this isn't the right time to tell you this."  
"Tell me," Dave demands, trying to make his voice as stern as possible.  
"Okay well I actually have a bit of a flush crush on you," Karkat sighs. "That's like what Rose and Kanaya have," he adds, obviously knowing Dave doesn't listen to his rants about quadrants.  
"Really?" Dave asks, turning slightly to look around at him. "Huh, I... kinda like you too, I just don't let myself think about it, you know?"  
Karkat smiles, face flushing. "We'll talk about that later," he tells him gently, brushing back a lock of hair from Dave's forehead, "You need a shower and something to eat right now. And just.. you need to start looking after yourself and talking to people." He moves, gently forcing Dave to sit up. "Come on, we'll talk more in a bit, okay?" Dave nods slowly, letting Karkat take one of his hands and help him to his feet. And as Karkat helps him find a new outfit and get his towel for the shower, Dave realises he really does like Karkat quite a lot.

An hour or so later, Dave's laying on his back on his bed and staring up at the ceiling. Karkat disappears, telling him he'll be back soon, and comes back with a few cans from can town after a while.  
"Hey," he says as he passes Dave a can of soda, "I talked to Rose."  
"Ah shit," Dave says with a groan.  
"It's okay, I convinced her you didn't need a therapy session from her just yet," Karkat says with a laugh," And somehow she trusts me to look after you for now."  
"Don't need looking after," Dave mutters, taking a sip of soda and sighing.  
"What do you need?" Karkat asks, sitting down beside him and smiling to himself as Dave leans onto him.  
Dave looks up, blinking at him, still not fully believing that Karkat's actually here, and being so good to him. "Talk to me, please," he murmurs quietly, "About anything. Just talk for a bit."  
"Okay," Karkat murmurs. He pulls Dave a little closer to him, one arm around Dave's waist and the other resting on Dave's knee gently. He starts to talk, Dave's not even sure what about, and the sound really does calm him down. Eventually, Dave reaches out and puts one hand on Karkat's face.  
"Hey," Dave says quietly, "Thank you."  
Karkat stops talking at that, and turns to face him. "It's okay," he smiles, "Anything for you." He reaches out for one of Dave's hand and squeezes it gently. "Want to go for a walk around the meteor or something?" he asks.  
"Yeah, okay," Dave replies.

They walk through the cold corridors, still holding hands and not really saying much. Karkat knows the places that the other trolls don't go, and Dave's not so worried about bumping into Rose, so there's no fear of being caught out. So they just walk along in silence, enjoying each other's company, and occasionally glancing at each other to exchange small, shy smiles.  
"Karkat," Dave says, turning towards the troll. And then, without saying anything else, he leans down to press a very quick kiss to Karkat's lips. When he pulls away, Karkat is flushed and looking incredibly flustered for such a small kiss.  
"Now's really not the time for relationship discussions," Karkat sighs, "But, I really do like you."  
"I really do like you too," Dave says with a small laugh. He grabs onto Karkat's hand again, running his thumbs over his knuckles. "You're right, lets just walk for now."

They go back to Dave's room after a while, and curl up on his bed together again. Karkat lazily trails a few kisses over Dave's cheeks, and keeps his hand entwined with Dave's even as they're laying there. There are, as usual, dark circles under the trolls eyes, but they're darker than usual, and he;s yawning almost constantly.  
"You can sleep," Dave tells him, face buried in Karkat' messy hair.  
"Okay," Karkat murmurs slowly, "But wake me up if you need me."  
"I will, I promise," Dave says, tightening his grip on Karkat' waist.  
"Okay, good," Karkat says with another yawn. He rubs at his eyes tiredly, and then cuddles even closer to Dave. There's a small, purring sort of noise rumbling in his throat that makes Dave smile, and he runs a hand gently along the troll's back as they both start to fall asleep. Karkat continues to purr, and the sound echoes strangely in Dave's tired mind.  
"Love you," Dave murmurs tiredly, not even awake enough to regret it.  
"I love you too," Karkat whispers into his shoulder, and Dave smiles to himself. They continue to cling tightly to each other until they eventually both fall asleep.

The both of them sleep for a long time. Dave's a lot more exhausted than Karkat, and the troll wakes up occasionally. Every time he goes back to sleep almost instantly after making sure Dave's still okay and asleep. At one point, Rose steps into the room, and stops in the doorway at the sight of them both curled up together. She smiles, and whispers into the hall for Kanaya. The two watch them for a second, then, as Karkat stirs, they sneak back out of the room, shutting the door quietly.  
"I'm glad Dave has Karkat," Rose whispers as they creep away.  
"I'm glad they've both got each other," Kanaya replies, and the two sneak away with a giggle.

The meteor's still far too quiet, and Dave can't wait for the three years to just be over. But, with Karkat doing his very best to help him through everything, things seem like they might get a little better. And though he' still got way too many thoughts in his head, he no longer needs Karkat's angry shouts to distract him. Because now the troll is far more than happy to sit with Dave for hours on end, just talking about anything until Dave's over the worst of his thoughts and can focus on anything else. He's never been so thankful for anyone in the world, and when Rose finally forces him to talk about his feelings with her, Karkat's there to sit by his side, holding one of Dave's hands, rubbing his knuckles in a way that calms him when he gets too upset.  
"I love you so much," Dave tells him one night, when Karkat's got him through the worst of a breakdown and he's stopped crying.  
Karkat smiles, and nuzzles his face into Dave's hair. "I love you too," he replies, reaching out to hold onto Dave's hand again. He really does love holding hands for some reason, and Dave's not going to complain about that. Karkat's changed his life for the better, and for once, he's glad they got stuck on this meteor together.

**Author's Note:**

> I read a typo in this somewhere and then forgot where it was before I could edit it out. So, sorry about that. Thank you for reading!!


End file.
